RedAsh's Blog

Mummi, it is a horrible horrible week... it is not a good week as it was stated below,

Diplomacy is your greatest strength and you may be called on to put it to use this week as you are appointed mediator by your friends and family. Everything you do, you do well and this is no exception. However, do not get too involved in the personal affairs of other people any deeper than you have to, you could end up being the 'bad guy' in their minds if the decisions did not go their way. If you treat all strangers well you may be treating with angels unawares.

Everything I did, I failed badly BIG TIME.

It was a total disaster. My HRCT screwed up big big Time, my helmet drop and I cannot even see and the drum roll all over the place, I cant even proper the strap of the drum and I fell down the stairs... dragging Ryanto big time with me...

I failed my BAPT and my SOC and also did poorly for my CIS318... and just when this week is finally going to be over and I can throw everything to the wind, this Minister come to our table and say hello and because we failed to stand up and show respect for the VIP, DC Peter Lim, we were given 36 hours of guard duties...

And also, for my Term Test 2, I fare very poorly unable to recall things that I studied...

But the worst is not this Mummi, the worst is that my reputation had totally gone down the drain, REALLY DOWN THE DRAIN as being the big bloody blur cock. In just ONE WEEK, the entire Rota 1 change their view of me from a hero to a zero...

Mummi, why WHY me.... I wanted to become a hero FROM zero... not to a zero from hero... it looks like the higher I go, the harder I fall. This really means things had to be picked up slowly... WAIT I CANT... I ONLY LEFT WITH 1 MONTH TIME LEFT BEFORE THE REAL STUFF, its NOW or NEVER!

This week is really a something fresh for me, I manage to restablise myself with Mao, and unstablise myself with Ibrohim and Azman (cuz I am such a blockhead and a cruz) I must learn to defend for the WHOLE group than for myself only...

I also learnt from Mao that people like to see drama, esp with that arse Muaz and me, and I am also in need of finding myself and make myself consistant. Never try to act tough when I am not that tough.

Also from a BOC cadet, who is 29 years old, who became a WO in 5 years time, and convert to SO, told me how he felt about me. He told me straight that I am nowhere as good nor nowhere as vocal, and if I am to work under him, he will keep me in the freezer. I am glad that he is so truthful towards me. He pointed out that it is ok to chitchat abt other people and it is ok to point out how you felt. Also more importantly is a taxi driver uncle, who pointed and hit right on the nail on how I felt...

He said that it is IMPORTANT to know that what we are made of, but more importantly, it doesnt matter what other people thinks of you or looks at you but whether you had done harm to other people.

Also he pointed out that I am emotional because I take comments too personally... too seriously... I lack confidence and lack sense of direction... he also taught me that in the sense of people arrowing me is due to my lousy character or mistake I done, I should immediately apologise and make it to people clearly that I am merely a human not a super human.

Man mum, I felt so tired... I lose all motivation to perform... please give me strength... I keep doing ALL the wrong things and although I had come to realise the value of GROUP die die tgt... it just come at a very steep price... a price I have difficulty repaying...

Mummi, please bless me... bless your son Koh Hong Hui...