RedAsh's Blog

Work-life balance is an elusive thing; we all want to be more balanced, but most of us feel like it is just outside of our reach. As I’ve coached business owners from all walks of life over the last few years, I hear the same line over and over again – “When things settle down, I’ll have the time to work on balance.” I’ve even caught myself saying it (much more than once).

But what I’ve found interesting is that few people I’ve spoken to can actually tell me what the concept of “balance” means to them. They have a fuzzy idea of what a balanced life means – I hear things like “more time,” “better health,” “better relationships,” and so on … but nothing concrete. It’s kind of like when people say they want to “make more money” or “be happier” … it’s a vague phrase that doesn’t carry a lot of detail. And permitting a lack of detail on something you want is a great way to avoid approaching it. But we do this on purpose, and we do it for a reason.

Why Getting Into Detail Can Be Scary
For many goals – and especially for balance – we rarely move beyond the definition of “more” or “happier.” We may tell ourselves it’s just because we haven’t gotten around to it, but in reality it’s likely that there are fear-based factors that make us feel internal resistance to getting into detail (and building a battle plan) when it comes to achieving balance.

* Overwhelm. We tend to seek work-life balance when they we already overwhelmed, so the idea of carving out the time / effort to achieve it can often seem too complex – a huge project to add to their already maxed-out list of to-do items.

* Insecurity. When balance seems a far-away ideal, it’s easy to feel like it will simply never happen. Though we don’t want to admit it, one part of us simply resigns itself to accepting that we’ll never have it while another part continues to yearn for it. We feel like we just don’t have what it takes.

* Pressure. The word “balance” carries a strong emotional connection to the word “everything.” It’s hard to imagine something being “kind of” balanced – it’s all or nothing in our minds. And getting control of everything creates a huge amount of pressure – one that we frequently deal with by avoidance.

* Fear of Failure. We’ve tried to get “more balanced” before. We’ve fallen flat on our face. It hurts. We don’t want it to hurt again. Whether our fear is a conscious one or simply a behind-the-scenes emotion, it acts as a protection mechanism, helping to steer our thoughts away from getting more definition on what we really want.

* Fear of Success. What if you really had it all, and could have that magic work-life balance as early as tomorrow? What new responsibilities would you have, and what new commitments would you be obligated to? Even though you want to be balanced, your mind can easily push back against adding “more” to your plate.

* Fear of Loss. Imagine having everything. Now imagine losing it. If you’ve enjoyed the bliss of feeling “more balanced” in the past, you know how painful it is to have circumstances take that away from you. Perhaps part of you is feeling that right now, and holding you back from taking more concrete action defining what you really want.

* Confusion & Embarrassment. When it all comes down to it, maybe you just don’t know where the hell to start. Having a destination in mind – but not having a map – can cause a level of fear all by itself … the fear of admitting you don’t know something. Sucks, don’t it?

The Way To Face Your Fear & Do It Anyway
A simple way to take the “big deal” out of work-life balance is to stop making it such a big deal in the first place. Regardless of what television, magazines, or your “has it all together” neighbor imply to you, HEAR THIS: You don’t have to “have it all” to “have it.” Even just a small sip can begin to quench your balance thirst.

Take the pressure off. Instead of focusing on how big a thing “total work-life balance” can be, set your mind towards doing one small thing today to get you on the path to getting “more balanced.” It’s just like losing weight – if you focus on “losing 50 pounds,” good luck with dealing with the stress that brings. If you focus on “replace one soda a day with a glass of water,” you’re on your way. As the saying goes, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” (Note to self: Don’t mention “weight loss” and “eating elephants” in the same paragraph ever again.)

Taking small actions can help you fly under the fear radar and give you a massive confidence / emotional boost at the same time. You can begin getting balanced, even if you’re too damned busy. Start with something manageable, something small and achievable enough that doesn’t activate one of those make-or-break triggers, and start feeling like you have more control over getting your life in balance than you do today.

And I’d love to her what your next “small step” is going to be in the comments below.