RedAsh's Blog

Today, I received a guest that had enlightened my somehow. Its my eldest Uncle, my mother's brother.

While he is not the best familyman around, he is indeed a caring father and is consistently worriing about his children, my cousins, Jeffrey and Meiling.

He gave me a lecture on Karen's wayward behaviour. He initially blames me for my failure to correct Karen; since he had no idea on Karen's personalities and my system, I was cool. I explained things to him from the start.

Karen lost her "mother" (sorry for the double quotes, I had yet to forgive, and maybe impossible to forget, ever since Karen stated to regard her as dead and to regard as if she was never conceived by my mother), my mother, when she was six, to pancreas cancer. That was in 1999, 1st July, at GenesEagle Hospital.

My then-healthy dad was in all good condition to look after Karen, Ken and me. Yet, he did NOT. He sent Karen to his sister home, my 2nd Gugu, and made her guardian of Karen. There, Karen was not properly taught the correct moral values and behaviours. After much fuss and troubles, I finally get to convince my father to get Karen back to live with us in 2000, and to make him to send Karen to and fro school. It was short-lived.

I was servicing in National Service in 2001. When another tragic strikes on us, it is a Sunday, 9th Nov. My father, went to jogging as usual and I was tutoring Karen, till our neightbour told us of a man, who resembles our dad, lying on the floor. This "stroke" event leads to 4 consequences.

One, all my dad's silbings try to snatch dad's fortune away from us. All thanks to one of my father's best of pal and blood brother, Mr. Sebestian Soh, we managed to secure most of my dad's properties. Still, we lost Kah's Motor contract, due to my dad's siblings sabotage and conspiring with my dad's competitors - although Master Soh managed to extent the contract by another year, and that helped to booster my father's comapny fund by another SGD 300,000.

Two, Karen is returned to 2nd Gugu guardianship. Except this time, I was not around to monitor the situation (idiotic SAF system) and Ken is not willing to stay at 2nd Gugu house at Serangoon to protect Karen. All he wants is only to enjoy his "freedom" - while I am in army, his sister in someone elses house, and his dad in hospital. I can only acompany Karen on every weekend. This is also the "Three", Master Soh advise me to spot check on Ken. I had to return to Tampines on some weekends to monitor Ken's activities, only to witness our Tampines flat turned into a pig sty.

Four, the eventual continual losses suffered at my father's properties, while the commitee, the decision makers, refused to shut down the workshop, despite Master Soh's and my persuasion to shut down the workshop; the sad thing here is the commitee is set up by Master Soh himself, after I refused to take over my father's property single-handedly - for I had to be fair to my other siblings.

It was only when my NS term is ending that I planned to have my father and sister to be fetched back to Tampines. The flat was a total mess, the floor is dusty and blackened. Everything was covered in a layer of dust and a lot of electric appliances are not functioning properly - including my dad's SGD 5,000 flat screen 43" TV.

Karen and I started to clean the whole flat. Our 2nd Gugu and the commitee did not make things easier for us, on the basis that they need the maid to take care of my father, our maid is not allow to return to Tampines with us - funny thing is that 2nd Gugu also has her own maid, and our maid is paid using my dad's own money.

Whatever the case is, after 2 weeks of cleaning and recleaning (thanks to Ken using the cleaned rooms), I managed to take my father and Karen back to Tampines. Karen was preparing for her PSLE then.

When she enrolled for Springfield Secondary School, she is still manageable. She trusts my system of working and she scored an award for being the highest scorer for Home Econs for her level.

However, all doesnt ended up well. I had many enemies. My own dad, My dad's siblings, the commitee and Mary. They all hate me for I wanted to closed down my dad's workshop. I never bother much with them, except some started to tell Karen how wrong is my system of disciplining her. Karen started to doubt my system and become less and less obedient.

In her Secondary One days, I never lay a single finger on her, even when she failed a test, for I focus on moral and character building, which she seriously needs to be exposed to. I became a full-time PI to track her activities and her friends. From there, I advice on her the DO's and DON'Ts. She managed to upkeep her promises to me, while there maybe slippages once here and there, she still manage to maintain it.

Secondary Two days are hell. In Jan, she failed all her promises, skipped all her CCA's and went out with friends instead. Things got out of hand. Desperate issues call for desperate measures. Since all the kind advices and soft talk and measures (exercisng, reflectin notes etc) all crashed on Mars, I decided its time to take on a "hard" approach.

I starting to use canes, collaborated with her counsellor and her form teacher, but all are fruitless. I started to focus on a simple goal, to only to ask her to return home straight away after school. Karen, once again failed all 3 gentle reminders. Then I took up the scissors and used cutting of her hair as my disciplinary measures.

Starting from 4th April 2007, I needed to focus on my studies and prepare for my 2nd year term examinations. And on the faithful 21st April 2007, Saturday, after I agreed to let her out with her friends, on the claim of school project, I discovered she took a 50 dollar note from me (and spent it all), and she returned 3 hours later than the promised time, 6 pm. Enraged, I cutted a huge portion of her hair (rather than the usual bit by bit). Ken then suggested to me to let him look after Karen.

All the way till on the faithful day. 7th May 2007, Ken and I worked closely to monitor and guide Karen. Till that faithful day... haiz...

Irregardless, I had told Uncle that now its Ken system Karen is under not mine anymore - and I had given up on Karen. He told me off, and I think I deserve it, that I am also responsible for Karen's upbringing too, even under Ken's system. I think his word make senses. I then told him that I am going to send Karen to reha centre. He is the first and only one to agree with my decision, and he also remarked I should have done it long ago, and should not regard what others comments. It all just about Karen, nothing more. Simple and easy.

Anyway, I also brought up to the Uncle my what my dad had told to Karen everytime I disciplined her. "Pack up and move out, so that you do not have to see him again"
Uncle cannot believe what I told him. Its a joke yes, but its a fact. He told my dad off directly. Now, with everything cleared, my Uncle adviced me to worked closely on Karen for she only misbehave for merely some weeks; its too soon to give up now.

I had to try, not much choice, do I? Rite Mum? Better sleep early for I still have to meet "her" teacher tomorrow... to receive her mid-year exam results...