RedAsh's Blog

Mum, I wanted so badly to discipline myself but one shot at Dota got me carried away again...

But luckily I stopped after wasted another 4 hours of my life... it just hit me... so still all good...

I think I keep playing to fill up that "emptiness" with the excitment it brings... but that "hunger" can never be satified with the excitment... for it brings nothing, change nothing for me in the end...

Anyway mum, I implemented a 2 hour slot for my daily activities, right now it is still blurry and unstructured, as time goes by, I believe I can make a difference...

At least I have to if I want to complete my final year project XP

OH mum good news, I am allow the chance to go for the 2nd interview with SCDF... hopes it all went well on Tuesday...

Mum bless me!

Wow, 2 months gone in an instant?

My 2 month contract officially ended... pretty decent experience, getting to work on Content Management Systems, and get to witness the work processes of the NCS "Portal City" system...

It is pretty much a job where one has to content with the daily demands of various customers... erhem.. sponsors more like ...

There is one flaw with this system however, is that at the technical/operational level, it is highly underwhelming ~ little to no sense of achievement or progression... Oh Well, at least the operational level is subdivided into the CMS developer and Content Web uploader.. and it is the latter job scope that is the really boring one... VERY HIGH turnover rate, some permanent staff did not extend their terms at all

It was really a breeze for me, as I practically speed zerk through my workload at least 10 times faster than all my peers... even on my first day ~ so yes I outperform most of the veterans...

But that is something not really distinctive, I took on a totally different approach this time round, way different personality from my earlier contract jobs, I return to my more inside personality, thanks to availability of PC stations... unlike the other 2 more physical work scope...

And more importantly, access to the internet to do my trading online... and resulted alot of mood swings... on my part =P So I cant really socialise on the common level... which I think is also good as I do not like others to probe into my trading as well...

In the work process, there is another guy who happens to also be in SIM UOL but of another course. He seems trying to check up on me through MSNing other UOL dudes but wat the hell, I dont socialise with others at SIM, other than the 1 guy... oh well, all the best to him anyway, Kaijing (phew manage to recall)... after he left, Cara shift to his position, directly opposite of me.

I was working on this MFA Press Release (headed by Andreas), was suppose to fix everything by 2 weeks, I got it all done in a week, together with all the testing. So I request for involvement in other projects, and was given NCS Corp site (handle by a guy call Nicholas) Clippings insertion, I hasten up the whole process by at least 5 times, when it was handle by Cara and Leon ~ erm this means that when they both finished 2 article (each) I already done with 10. Talk about efficency and productivity.

One interesting thing here, is that, the one last lunch I had with the other guys was also with Cara. And hell, lunching at the NCS Main Lobby Cafe is a bad idea, everyone is like practically looking at me, and it really dampen me, who prefers a low profile... I can even hear the whispers of others "Hey look at that guy"... dont they realise that it is difficult to eat something in peace when being watched... Oh well mum, maybe thats why I prefer indoor, cuz only here I am not watched...

I took a haircut, and realised that it is going to make me more prominent instead... so I sought a simplier solution, I spent 50 SGD on 2 caps, 1 white and 1 black, both from Adidas... and it worked out perfect... so perfect that I even use it at the Gym.. except when I took it off in the Man's toilet, I seem to attract attention again... so it only works in the first day... the other days thereafter, I sense that other people seems to be looking at me again as if I am some sort of alien...

One funny incident occurs during my last day, a girl by the name of Abragial She (I think, I remember to call her Miss She, a rather unusual surname, so it kinda leave an impression) She is suppose to assist me with my clearance, and well, it turns out that this Miss She is consider a "hottie" by common standard ~ as least that is what the other guys in the Project Room 3 states... Leon even ask me "Dont you find her Beautiful?" However, I find that she was dress superficially, and she had her hairdo, on top of that I notice that she has those "Black Star" stamped across her hand and her ears when she leads me to a Senior Staff for next step... I was like "O.M.G"... Anyway, I replied to Leon "So so, quite a common sight" and I get the "WOAH, Marcus your catch so High ar!" reply; the thing is that they do not understand that such hotties are really just a temperary image... and this Miss She stood out because she happens to be in a room with few ladies and many men... I do not think she will stand out that much when in a environment such as "Phuture", where all the night creatures roams... still, it is kinda weird when Miss She was like getting "hype up" when I was staring at the monitor to watch my sensitive data as she delete the system files, and somehow, I can feel like she had electricity in her eyes when she talk to me, I was like "Argh" and look away... Immature...

I do have a class for females,
Girlie, Lady, Woman, Granny, Manly
~ Without a doubt, "Lady" is the ideal class for my partner, not beautiful not cute, but charming... and fun-loving... and mature... one who can assist me to grow...

One of the heartwarming thing I experienced before I left, for the first thing in my so many contracts, is that Wilson, Deputy Director and Senior Manager, shake my hand with both of his hand, and praise me that my work is good. And he even gave me a namecard when I ask if I can seek him as a referral for my future employments...
~ For the first thing, I felt that my effort is being appreciated... which matters more than knowing a bunch of guys from other previous contracts... other than Mark and Alvin, who I am honored to know them and call them friends =)

In this contract, I had learnt how a manager is like from Andreas, whom I consider is a nice Lady. She is an assistance manager for Portal City, and she has to content with all the report on work progress. Hence, it is important to have the staff compiling everthing on their part so that the report can be more easily draw up; something which I think is really beneficial and essential for an effective MIS. Funny thing is, I hear alot from other guys in Project Room 3 badmouthing her, esp from Lian Kwee; which seems to me that he and Andreas had some dispute; Andreas actually complained to Anothony (whoever he is) that Lian Kwee is giving her attitude issues.
~ Talking about Lian Kwee, he was all fine and neutral till the final days where he actually asked for me to enter a small list of 11 sample data for him, a list of Game Makers Companies. Which is so trivial that he cant enter himself ~ so I knew instantly he was testing my benchmark or maybe to impress others. So beings Round 1; The LOL part is that when I ask him that Nicholas's NCS Corp site was on my next to-do list, and he had to discuss with Nicholas whose workload is of higher priority. And then he went off and tell me he will ask Andreas, he return later saying that his is of higher priority and had to be done immediately, which I get it done in under 15 minutes and LOL, he was so stunned = Round 1 ended. Round 2 begins when he ask for me to populate the other empty boxes with trash content, and I am to give list a list of changes, which I thought was "WTH?", documented changes for sample data? Nevermind that, I went to get it done in under 10 minutes, with even the inclusion of extreme functional testing sample, and he was so silenced = Round 2. Round 3, he asked me to change the various numbers to "#### ####" format. Meanwhile, I was doing Eugene's MFA OM report, so I answer "ok" but this time, I did not engage on his trivial request. I merely continue with Eugene's report. Only after I had done Eugene, and then Andreas, I continue with his trivial changes. Lian Kwee was getting impatient but he did not ask for me to speed up because he knew that I know very well that he cant. I was only sometime later I tell him that I am starting his request, and get it done under 5 minutes. Oh well, all the meanwhile, he was talking with the other guys anyway. Anyway, Round 3. And one more and I will say, "Sorry, Andreas mentioned that it is your own work scope." Since in the email I sent to Lian Kwee was CC to Nicholas too; and he reply that Andreas had withdrawn me to focus on my "other tasks". Which leads to Leon...
~ Then Leon reminds me that I have yet to start where I had left off since I last touched the NCS CMS. I tell prompt told him of the latest arrangement, and email the email that Nicholas sent me with Lian Kwee in the loop. It was a BIG LOL as he was like "Oh Shit..." Anyway, I heard from Sally, that Wilson is not extending Leon term, oh well, while I was handling like 5 projects, not to mention other tasks, I was like done in 2 weeks and was totally free for 2 weeks. Leon was dealing with only 1, the NCS corp website, with the assistance of Cara. And he has even yet to complete it, all the while he was watching cartoons and anime during working hours... its LOL when Nicolas had to approach me for my help.
>>> Anyway, I am rather neutral to these acts as people do try to be funny sometimes, and I am cool with that. Still I find the guys in project room 3 interesting and entertaining... and they let me learnt something... handling office politics
~ one funny thing from Andreas is that once she suggest to give me a desk on my own as she mentioned about "Given your status, you should have a desk on your own." I was like OMG, I was here not on my former status, I am here for my current position which I am content with.

Oh well, this end of contract marks the beginning of my next phrase of life, and a rather big one too, a 2 year contract with SCDP if all went well. And to focus on my CIS 318 and 320.

May Mum bless me. What really matters for me now is to ensure that my work is getting on ok. And also to recover what I need to recover from the Market...

Overall mum, I like this contract the most, as it returns me to who I was and am, and further confirms it viability.

Today I finally went to the interview for SCDF..

Hopes all well with the 3 scenario role-play...

And now with my current MEGA loss at the stock market, hope that I can recover what I had lost before this year...

Mum,

This Monday is a good day, the market is going down and I am in a favourable position, although others are in MORE favourable situations...

Still the real purpose for the existance of 15th Sep 2008, is a sudden spur. My intention to discuss with DanJian regarding Karen... or more like "his plan" for Karen...

It was 11pm when Ken suddenly return home after some nearly 3 weeks of nights outside... with his girlfriend I assume.

I then request a short timeout with him with focus on Karen...

As he retreat to his room after his shower, I SMS him that the meeting is ready to start; I intend to held the discussion in his room, while his gf surf the net on my computer. But as things go, his gf is preparing to sleep, and thus we held the meeting in the kitchen behind the "closed" glass sliding door.

I had only 3 intentions in my mind. With all the evidence by my hand of Karen's misdoing, I only had to report to the police about her misdoings and then report to them the neligence of Ken and Er'Yi; Yes I understand this is something you may not wish to see but this is a necessary thing for a slight ray of light... if you wish for nothing less than normal daughter you had in your mind, and the judgement of the incompetence ~ and yes that includes me, for I had failed terribly in this aspect and had to seek...

But I had to answer to another of the promise to you, to maintain the relationship between Ken and I... even though I know there is a limit I can stretch (initially, my attempts to give treats like pizza hut, MacDonands are childish and foolish). And also I had to be convinced that Ken is more mature now, and therefore less likely to evade responsibilities like what he use to do in the past...

Anyway the whole event starts off by showing the "evidence" I had of Karen's stealing my wallet.
I purposely show the video where vision of the criminal is blur... so as to judge Ken's reaction... as expected, he initially acted blur... then I show him the video of a clear view of the criminal...

CONCLUSION: Ken is not really mature yet, and is definately trying to evade issues at hand like he did in the past... hard to change one's spots...

So this means moving to the next phase, explaining the course of things I had done during the 2 years to relate to facilitate Ken's understanding (althought I wonder if he ever bother to spent a second to really think about the whole issue...);

First I started off to tell Ken that all my physical disciplinary actions taken against Karen are all recorded by the doctor as I will seek medical attention if I am too harsh - and is readily to receive whatever consequences for what I had done... for what I had done is indeed inappropriate ~ still irregardless I had to for I am prepare to sacrifice myself...

Then the juvenile court, and the possibility of facing a $5000 fine and 2 weeks jail. All these are necessary as Ken said that it is still quite "acceptable" (after watching the video) which I would had went berserk a year back with low glucose intake...

Anyway, I did reveal a part of my plan that I am taking some action soon, and the action I am going to take will maybe affect him and Er-yi.

I then proceed with my second objective... "what kind of environment can you give her?" follow by the question which I asked him before a year back then:
"What did you stop me from sending her to Girl's Home? And insisted on taking care of her for her entire life?"

So far no direct answer as he proceed to give me all the encounters he had with his THINKING that "she will change for the better". I argued on that then the funniest thing that happened was that he actually asked me the question that "What makes you think she wont?"... My answer? "What makes you think she will?" ~ For it is a question he does not even has answer for himself...

"...things happened, and when it does, no "if", "maybe" or "I think" will be entertained." I explained. "What I see is that you are only letting things happen then you step in, totally well aware of the probability of the problem. What I did is to prevent, for that is what Mum is concerned..."

Ken then went on to the punishment that I exercise on Karen in the past, like forcing her to play MapleStory etc I explain that it is all the punishment for Karen actually abuse my freedom I give her, totally disregard my "no bf" rules (after endless sessions on BGR materials) and still seek out a boyfriend through MapleStory. I did silly things because I am on my wit's end, from pocket money penalty, to military exercise discipline... when all fails even to the extreme of cutting her hair bald... so as to prevent and deter future BGR, with expense to myself being criminal in the eye of the law... for law cannot help her then...

Seeing there will be no progress, for I concluded that Ken never really give a serious thought on the environment he can provide for Karen, or at least the kind of environment where she will not be influenced by the other outside forces with her given characteristics of taking things for granted and total self-centerness...

So I move on... and asked for something more practical... more visible... what will be his course of action should Karen fail her final year exam this year 2008?
His answer is "I will review again her behaviour, results.. blah blah blah" <= that is what I heard btw..

In short, nothing, "just let it happens and let nature run its course" is what he is saying Mum... whatever I respect his decisions and assured him that I will hold back my actions and let him fulfilled "plan"... in fact he even mentioned to let Karen fail her "O"-levels, so that she can "realised"... sounds like fantastic plan to you Mum?

As time is precious, I move on to the most important objective, the thing that you are worried about, her chasity... I ask for Ken to seek medical prove from KK. He give all sorts of excuse, and ultimately he mentioned that he will not do it and ask me to do it... I told him "so you want me to wipe your arse after merely 1 year of the whole "I will look after her for life" bullshit?"

Then I come to a compromise, only if she failed this year exam and how is he going to do execute the "inspection" is entirely up to him... I did suggest to him to do it by himself, for it is a dirty lining and the least pple known the better...

Anyway, Mum, time to draw a line for Karen... if nothing is done now, nothing can be later... and yes, after Ken's incident with dad's issue, I can only say I am prepare to break another promise with you Mum, but do understand that it is part of the necesscity of betterment...

Once again, sorry mum... and hope you will forgive this weakling son of yours... for unable to fulfill what you had told again and again... but only for now, once I had gain enough strength, I will change everything... that is my only aim now...

PS:
Btw Mum, today as of 2nd Oct 2008, Ken is too busy with his new girlfriend that he assumes all will be ok for Karen... oh yes, she is definately ok with all the unattention to resume her telephone and TV time... Brillant plan and truely responsible huh?