RedAsh's Blog

Several events all backtracked from Saturday, 26th May 2007, where my aunt Meemee request for Karen to stay at her home over the weekend.

Karen supposed to have some workshops to attend for 28th May 2007 and 29th May 2007. Unfortunately she did not turn up for both. On top of that, she returned home as late as 11pm and 1am respectively.

Ken returned from Pendang yesterday. And he blew his top after learning Karen's truancy and pack of lies. Heh and haiz. He is now using the same approach as I did in Feburary and March - Fear and Guilt injection.
==> If this is the case, whats the point then? Since its only a matter of time where he will be doing the same hurt and dejection that I did to Karen.

Ken interrogated Karen, told her the errs and reinstated the same restriction I used before, not more outdoors unless permission is granted personally. LOL, that is all too similar to what I had used for whatever excuses Karen had given to me over the months.

Today the restriction where the phone speaker is to be used at all times is reinstated for Karen as well, by me, and Ken and I overheard the conversation of Meemee with Karen and Karen with her boyfriend, Daniel.

Meemee used words of hurt a lot too, surprising too "a lot" for a Christan. More surprising is that Meemee mentioned Daniel smsed her foul words. I asked Meemee, while I told Karen to tell Daniel, to forward the sms'es to Ken to validate; for Daniel denied what he did.

Irregardless, I dragged Ken out to the corridor for a good talk and shower some advices on his "fear and guilt" approach - he missed out the last and most important part, the directions and solutions for Karen to take; the solution mentioned is one that meets ones expectation and create a win-win situation. For instance, last year, while Karen has an active third hand for Ken and my wallets for extra allowance. I told her nicely many times to avoid such things as it is only a matter of time she will be caught and face the consequences. That is not enough, then I must show her the appropriate way, I told her that if she needs extra money, she can approach me or Ken and request for work to be done (like tidying my books) for extra allowance. It works - although her thrid hand returned on April 2007. Anyway, it is common sense that Karen had no idea what to do or what is Ken's expectations, and it is Ken's duty, not mine, not Meemee no

Other, to show her the correct direction in a proactive manner.
I also discussed with Ken with his "Fear and Guilt" approach with Karen. I told him that I used it before and the result is unfavourable. However, Ken reasoned that he learnt through such manner. He "changed" because he feels guilty - although I felt he changed due to more factors of fear, and he also had a taste of being seen as "valuable" to others (at least to the correct personnel). But he did not realise Karen had not, and she is not eager to (at least to the family).

I did warned him that this approach will result in low self esteem and confidence level in Karen, but he simply disregard it.

I also brought up the issue where he does not allow Karen to stay with my 2nd aunt (my late mother's sister) on 10th June 2007 (She told me so on 26th May 2007 visit.) . Reason being that he FEELS that it is useless. Kinda crap to me. Anyway, I told him that 2nd Aunt approach is one with love and helps to build the love and confidence in Karen - one which I hope Ken is able to accomplish but fails to. This is what Karen needs now, someone that still see value in her and capable to trust. He said he will considerate.

Somehow, Ken is being defensive and did not review his actions and my words. Hopefully, I hope he sees that I am trying to make things easier for him and in the right direction, not to re-stepping the same tracks I travelled before.

Mum, help Karen. For it is Karen, not him, not me, that suffers in the end.

posted by RedAsh  # 11:53 AM