RedAsh's Blog

Hi Mum, your eldest son here.

I am troubled. I am worry.

The path is set for me, there is no turning back for me now.

I cannot request for any form of withdrawal nor fear of heat injury. But I can only do my best to prevent it, by hook or by book.

I really wonder, why I always make things difficult for myself or others. I only want to make things simple, but in the end, I always end up getting into bigger mess.

I sign up with SCDF, and then today, the HQ Guards call me that I will be charge AWOL, in the night, I call up inche Roslan, my course admin. But I end up giving him a bad day.

I think he really hates me now, and he told in front of the class that "someone" here "act blur look" took advantage, see "lobang" and "show his true colour". I think that he is referring to me as no one else but me actually talked to him today.

Mum, I am really bad with handling people. It is really hard to deal with things logically. Human need something extra. Maybe Hongbin is right, I am too logical, too robotic, too machinary.

Ivan had a talk with me, I admire his appetite for risk. He is adventurous and is a risk taker. Unlike me, I am trying to avoid risk, and has the tendency to become paralysis by analysis. I was also reprimanded by Ivan that with the time I was given after the NS notification, I did a last minute notification even the phone I kept calling did not go through. It is my responsibility and of my own. And hence, today's situation is nothing more than my own "arrogance".

I have yet to fully woke up my fucking idea, but most of them had woken only on 1st Jan 2009.

I dunno mum. I am now as what Inche Roslan said, he will strangle me by the neck like a chicken, which I am really in now. Somehow, people likes to think that I am "acting", when in reality I am not. I am only doing what is necessary and situationally correct, and that seems to be a problem.

I sense that he is trying to do me in, by only announcing that today is too late for resignation. And he is going to make my life hell in the next 120 days. At the very least, 60 days.

I am lost, Mum, please protect me for the next 24 weeks. My hell starts on 12th Jan 2009; I am currently going through the worst path in my life.