RedAsh's Blog

Mum, its been a tough month... but I brought it upon myself...

In just 3 weeks, my reputation is smeared... I am very inconsiderate... and selfish... and unethical...

But in the process, I had also gained something never had before, advice of wisdom from Dad... can you believe this? Mami, LauDou actually advices me... in all honesty... I seek him out... it is one of those rare turn of event, suddenly I had created a "room of respect" between the 2 of us... in fact this Sat marks the second time, last Sat is the first... I remember he advice me to be the "50/50 friend" for there are never a real 100/100 friend last week... the most memorable line is,

"Hui, dun tell me you cannot afford 1 dollar... 1 dollar for a new friend... isnt that cheap?"

This week, when I told me abt what to do when one commited a mistake... he advice me to make friends first, and then mistakes are easily talked over... and not to be "YAYA" when someone told you abt a mistake, for when given chance, they will get back at you...
~ which is actually what I am experiencing now...

Anyway, I better return the cab fare to Ong this weekend, and also prepare 47 + 23 + 6 = 76 dollars... Mao's situation had taught me that when one said OK, he does not really mean OK inside him... so I better return what I am due to return...

Maybe this is what Sergeant Rizal really meant when he said I am a fool to believe stuff one said...

I really do not know if those NSF boys really mean it when they are troubled by my behaviours, for after their lecture, they did those stuff themselves...

Also I had learnt from Ivan to do things in a "ROUND-UP" manner... start and end quickly... before it becomes a hassle to others... for a hassle for others to notice rather... tactical...

Mum, this is the point of time to prove my worth, of who I am and what I am made of in CDA... as Enche Wira had mentioned... I had to do it good and nice... I want to get my former reputation and prove to others that I am capable to be a good fireman, and a man that is good to befriend with...

Now they had regarded me as a blur sotong like the NSF, as Ivan described it, but Fuad, Syed and Ridhwan, had given me strength and support. Fuad had asked to relax, Syed had push me to be inspired to gain back my reputation by giving me my best shot, and Ridhwan told me to be sincere in the training, to be fair to others who want to complete this ERSC by not giving them trouble...

Mum, please let me regain my consciousness and my faith in myself, let my body recover faster and improve my mental...