RedAsh's Blog

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Stop Taking Things for Granted

A friend recently told me of plans to move for the third time in as many years. He lived in a lovely beach house with a magnificent view of the ocean. A labyrinth of hiking trails strewn with wild irises and poppies were at his front door. I asked why he might leave such a beautiful setting.

“Oh, I’m tired of it,” he responded indifferently. “It was great when I first moved in, but now it’s just the same old thing. I can’t see it anymore.”

“I can’t see it anymore.” How accurate the statement. He failed to notice the ocean. He walked by the flowers without so much as a glance. He thought of his home as merely a place to lay down his head. Living in paradise, he might just as well have resided at the city dump. Nine people out of ten would have jumped at the opportunity to rent my friend’s house, yet he did not appreciate its virtues.

Human beings have a curious capacity to take things for granted. The most exquisite diamond loses its luster with familiarity. The most compatible intimate becomes boring. Miracles like the daily sunrise fail to astonish because they’re commonplace! Repetition and time dull our sense of wonder.

We endow novelty with powers and attributes that it does not really possess. When a thing becomes familiar to us, the mystery we have projected onto it is lost. We see it without the overlay of our imaginings.

The irony in this idiosyncrasy of human character is that we are disappointed by the very things that used to excite us. The once new job, sexual partner, or leisure activity is now tedious. We feel let down rather than uplifted. Disappointment is a consequence of our expectation that an object or event will continue to provide us with stimulation regardless of how constant our contact. Unless we adjust our expectations accordingly, we will continue to feel deflated.

Anticipate boredom! But is this really a serious solution? Another alternative is to maintain a fresh perspective on the commonplace by living life with contrast. If my friend had spent time away from his ocean home, he would have returned to it with “new” eyes. He would have seen it again as he did the first time.

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Adapted from Is That All There Is? Balancing Expectation & Disappointment in Your Life, by
Dr. David Brandt. Available at online and local bookstores or directly from Impact Publishers, Inc., PO Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423, www.bibliotherapy.com or phone 1-800-246-7228.