RedAsh's Blog

Hi Mum, Hui here,

It been a long day. This sunday I had redone the home nicely. All thanks to your drawer and computer table that you bought when you are still around. Although they may not be the best of material, I manage to fit them nicely. And pple like it so its good. =D

Anyway, Mum. I would like to express my disappointment... after I had gone through so much with the SCDF FRS application process... it all ended up that the people who are not helping me to progress further are relatives whom they said will help me whenever they can... relatives whom I "thought" can rely on ...

And thank god I am not in a trouble when I seek their help, but it will be more of a "convincing" process... I am happy to say that I had realised that they are not as willing to help as they had stated... at the very least, unwilling to step forth to aid me... for maybe, they do not trust me...

I am indeed saddened, for to say I am not shaken is a lie... Mum, please help me... all I need now are 2 gurantors... I had sent an email in regard to this matter... as such I would hope that there will be some workaround for me... I need a light to guide me Mum... please do show me the light...

Wow Mum, yesterday I did it again, a Dota marathon, wasted some 6 hours on it (or infact the whole day for doing other non-necessity.

Then this morning, I realised that I have changed somewhat, a little improvement. I woke at 10am then by 12pm, I am all tired of all those trivial and mindless activities that I did.

I then read up on a more meaningful website blog:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/08/the-law-of-attraction/

The Law of Attraction is a very nice article. It really nails me where I am lost.
Subjective Reality VERSUS Objective Reality

Subjective Reality is up to each individual ~ as Steve Pavlina describe it, everything and everyone are projections of your thoughts; while Objective Reality applies to all ~ so it is somewhat a truth of reality.

Although it is late mum, at age of 27 then I realised that I am a Bear in the Cave, not an Eagle in the Sky... But I want to be an eagle, and now I am a merely a hatchling, should I never ever retreat to my Cave again, I will be able to soar to the sky...

I have to have Faith... All I can gonna do is Believe...
As Saint Augustine said,
"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see;
the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."

Give me strength Mum, SCDF will be my first step.

Hello Mum,

Today I went down to SIM for my supervision session regarding my CIS320.
This is the first most fruitful session I ever had. The whole objective is clear. I only nid to focus on the Java aspect. I am fortunate to learn about Binary Invoke that allows Java to call other software... Hence I only need to learn to USE, not to understand (in details).

Anyway, after we say goodbye, we meet again at the busstop, then board the same bus. It is kinda awkward so I wave him goodbye after some more extra "consultation" and walk towards the Taxi Stand. I also received ZhongKai's SMS that Eryi want me to go to his house for dinner.

Anyway, when I reached there, the meeting is already over. Meiling had said her piece and everyone will be folking out 100SGD for Grandma's Maid Expense.

Rather, the focus was shift to Grandma's knee problem and ultimately, Eryi's latest decision to become a full-ledge housewife.

It funny that she pull me into the room to tell me her decisions and the course of action she will be doing. She intended to give extra to Dajiu for marketing under Eryuzhan's nose. With I advice her not to, as it will only lead to issues when uncovered. She also mentioned part of her intention to quit is also to look after grandma and she also express her intention to bring Grandma over to her house. Again, I advice her not to as 1> Grandma is happy now 2> everyone will blame Eryi should things went hairy. She took it in.

Then it move on to her decision. From the conversation, she sound very determined and had given a clear thought on her discontination of her current job. Then after learning from EryiZhan, she had seem to set her expectation too high and she still held esteem from her work... so I propose to her to try it out for a month first... then 3 more months... with her maid still around... her maid contract ending on March 2009.

For the first month, I stress that she should not be bothering whatever external forces and noises, and focus her energy on herself... as I told her that the current situation is she and her husband is on the same "level" of esteem... but this esteem, being generated from the workspace, will erode with time... I want her to think clearly internally what she can really accept... and what she cant... for my intention is that she can only be a housewife when she is able to generate her esteem from her family; which is tough, as she already set her expectation so high, and as human beings are, her expectations will only continue to raise with time... to a point where it cannot be easily satisfied or met... then things will start to collapse...

Anyway, I did told EryiZhan that it is a GOOD problem, not a bad problem... watever, hope all goes well for her, Eryi has to understand the whole event only starts when the maid left... as the maid will serve to maintain some esteem on her... anyway, hope it ultimately benefits her daughter WanLing...

Btw Mum, I asked Eryi if she is ok if she has to see Eryizhan's "Face Colour"... she did honestly reply a "NO"... oh well, as she had mentioned, it is all human will... I wish her well, and Mum, wish me luck, I really want so strongly so ever to succeed... to live more... to live better...

Give me strength Mum, for I need it now more than ever!

Mum, I have a good news to share with you... and sorry for the late sharing as my mind is in a fussing fog when i learn about it... and I also would like to thanks Mum for it... it will be the best birthday present ever...

I thought it was a goner during that faithful day; I was totally unable to impress the panel of high ranking officers... truth be told.. I was suppressed by the sheer environmental pressure... but at the very least, I was honest, and gentle and mild mannered... still, a bit too brutally honest that almost discredit me... at the bus stop, am I glad I did turn back to convince them about my sincerity... now for the first time ever, I was informed some days ago that I am successful in my SCDF application...

Mum, it only marks the beginning however, I should remain viligant at all times, now is the time to set my image and the identity I want to achieve, for myself and to others. A well manner and collected man, not some immature rookie.

Currently I am still working hard on achieving my self discipline, of having a disciplined sleep, disciplined diet and most importantly, a disciplined time manager. Not forgetting being a disciplined trader as well.

Now is the time to watch myself of all things... I realised that today my mind is clear and my focus is fantastic... and I felt energised. Please mum, bless me to be consistent... Thank you.

Oh SCDF mentioned that they will be sending me for medical review soon, hope it can all began before the dreaded 685 ICT, so that I have some added benefits... to balence my psychological and physical well being...