RedAsh's Blog

Wow Mum, 2 months of 2009 are gone... it will be March when the next week begins...

Time past so so so fast...

Anyway mum, this week seems that the good are returning to me... as long as I do not get to be carried away ... by triumph... as Rudyard Kipling said it is only an imposter...

Anyway mum, today I had a real first dinner with someone else out of platonic friendship. It was a intro invitation by Sahif, a malay ex-fire fighter regular who happens to be an ERS.

I was wandering in the mall then he invited me for a pizza dinner, and Hisham was one of them too with the sailor Zarie. In this simple dinner, I get to know about 2 things in life, thx to sailor Zarie...

3 questions or rather trick questions are asked, "twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools",

What do you think of Muis?

Who is the worst in your Rota?

Are there any backstabbers in your Rota?

Mum, from the http://www.gotohoroscope.com/scorpio-daily-today.html

20th Feb 2009
"Do not succumb to escapism. Confront with emotional openness and honesty."

21st Feb 2009
"Fighting conventional attitudes may be waste of time and energy. Try to stay more open and trusting. Don`t forget your responsibilities to others."

22nd Feb 2009
"You should pursue common goals but retain your individuality now. Don’t expect too much from other people today. Give what is needed on a day-to-day basis."

Weekly: February 16 th - February 22 th, 2009
"People think there is more fun to be around you that it used to be. If so, try not to spread yourself too thin as some time spent on your own is calming and relaxing. You're off to a great beginning, and this week's astrological forecast tells the same. Enjoy the company of your beloved - and if you're not yet attached, rest assured that the Universe will be more than happy to arrange at least one 'coincidental' blind date that could change all that. Say 'YES' when someone suggests a fun night out on the town, and remember it. It is certainly time to become the butterfly and show your true colors. The pink quartz is a powerful gem to help you bring increased prosperity into your world."

Learnt something more about attitude, By definition, social attitude is a behaviour pattern/conditioned response to social stimuli.

I must be more composed of myself, and as Father had adviced, when opportunity present itself, I must prove myself to be capable and able. I need to show others who and what I am capable and able of.

Steady and composed is what I must be, discipline and order is what I seek. To be what I need to be.

Mum, its been a tough month... but I brought it upon myself...

In just 3 weeks, my reputation is smeared... I am very inconsiderate... and selfish... and unethical...

But in the process, I had also gained something never had before, advice of wisdom from Dad... can you believe this? Mami, LauDou actually advices me... in all honesty... I seek him out... it is one of those rare turn of event, suddenly I had created a "room of respect" between the 2 of us... in fact this Sat marks the second time, last Sat is the first... I remember he advice me to be the "50/50 friend" for there are never a real 100/100 friend last week... the most memorable line is,

"Hui, dun tell me you cannot afford 1 dollar... 1 dollar for a new friend... isnt that cheap?"

This week, when I told me abt what to do when one commited a mistake... he advice me to make friends first, and then mistakes are easily talked over... and not to be "YAYA" when someone told you abt a mistake, for when given chance, they will get back at you...
~ which is actually what I am experiencing now...

Anyway, I better return the cab fare to Ong this weekend, and also prepare 47 + 23 + 6 = 76 dollars... Mao's situation had taught me that when one said OK, he does not really mean OK inside him... so I better return what I am due to return...

Maybe this is what Sergeant Rizal really meant when he said I am a fool to believe stuff one said...

I really do not know if those NSF boys really mean it when they are troubled by my behaviours, for after their lecture, they did those stuff themselves...

Also I had learnt from Ivan to do things in a "ROUND-UP" manner... start and end quickly... before it becomes a hassle to others... for a hassle for others to notice rather... tactical...

Mum, this is the point of time to prove my worth, of who I am and what I am made of in CDA... as Enche Wira had mentioned... I had to do it good and nice... I want to get my former reputation and prove to others that I am capable to be a good fireman, and a man that is good to befriend with...

Now they had regarded me as a blur sotong like the NSF, as Ivan described it, but Fuad, Syed and Ridhwan, had given me strength and support. Fuad had asked to relax, Syed had push me to be inspired to gain back my reputation by giving me my best shot, and Ridhwan told me to be sincere in the training, to be fair to others who want to complete this ERSC by not giving them trouble...

Mum, please let me regain my consciousness and my faith in myself, let my body recover faster and improve my mental...

Mum,

Its been a suddenly turn of the week for me.

In just 2 weeks, or 10 days, the trainees at 32nd ERSC had a total changed perspective for me... from an "elite" to an "outclass".

I do not know why, but I find myself having difficulties in focusing... I am uncertain if this is due to the cough syrup I am taking for these 2 weeks...

Irregardless, I had very quickly developed a lousy view on me... it seemed that I should not try to extend my speech for it sounds funny ... and it is heavily accented...

It may has to do with my little "plot" for my dorm mates to understand their impact on the dorm... it seems that by amplifying their behaviours and consolidating their bad habits into myself, had made them highly miserable...

This seemed to had a very repute on me, as they all started to view me as a slacked person... or tired down... stressed... in short, just a lousy person...

Funny, after a little wrestling session with Minhaizul, he suddenly become passive when he sees me... esp he realised that I only held him at bay, but still this will promotes his aggressiveness as time goes by...

Still, the thing is that people seems to jump at my first mistake; this is possibly due to my arrogance image, and therefore losing respect of pple... plus myself being so critical on others that they also become critical of me...

Mum, I have to become more "live and let live"... I shall become more critical of myself and less critical of others, I shall be the leading example... for I had realised that I had awoken people of their senses and now they had all surpassed me, I am no longer superior but of lesser to them... please help me mum...

Bless me mum...