RedAsh's Blog

I do not know why, butI feel today is a good day.

Karen is going to my (late mother's sister) 2nd aunt's house. And she is supposed to reach there by 6pm. For the jolly well first time, she reached there prior to the expected time. A good sign (hopefully, my aunt did not cover up for Karen... o'well).

Anyway, Karen went to her house after a project meeting (as she claims, but I overheard her talking to her boyfriend on the phone to meet her in the morning...) with her teammates. She went there with her boyfriend.

My aunt's husband was shock to see Karen dating for he remarked "Dating at such young age?!" as my aunt told me. (Yeah, I am very shocked AND worried too... thats why I requested her to not to be too serious with her previous 18 BGR... and I always adviced her to end it - before the relationship developed too far, like the current "getting-out-of-hand" relationship with her latest BF, Daniel, which Ken did not prevent...)

The focus of today is that I feel safe. VERY SAFE, for Karen with my 2nd aunt. This 2nd aunt of mine draws a very similar "feeling" to my late mother - in the way things are dealt and the approaches used. I hope she can help to plunge the hole in Karen's soul, which unfortuntately aunt Meemee, Ken and I failed to. I blew my top after gentle approaches for almost 2 years, Ken is at his own throat after a month, and Meemee has started to call her "hopeless" after a merely 3 days...

BUT what Karen needs now is for someone to truely believe in her - although she needs to show it through her actions and behaviours... which, sadly, she always fails to...

2nd Aunt did brought up the topic where I should try to accept Karen... butI knew deeply I cant, at least for now... for she had depreciated my highly regarded late mother, who is also her own mother. I only know time will tell, and through Karen's very own actions, behaviours, and achievements... just like Ken... when he never take care of mum when she is sicked and continued with his ways of errs to make mother, when he made a fussed and complained about the fodd mother cooked for us when she is sicked, when he refused to look after Karen at 2nd Gugu house at Serangoon when I am in Army, and ignoring all the problems faced by dad;s workshop, giving dad's car keys to my dad's siblings... argh, endless... where even now I am also trying to reaccept him... for I see some changes in him... albeit still too "some"...

Although I have yet to completely accept Ken, but I am still observing. If he is true to what Master Soh had told me, a guy who can only "cannot"... For now, his way of thoughts and behaviours are still abit "happy-go-lucky", not totally mature, as reflected more obviously from his guardianship of Karen of late... haiz... ah well, another "time will tell" whatever.

Mum, I had to thank you for 2nd aunt's intervention. I somehow feels deeply, Karen can find the confidence and faith that she deperately needs, at 2nd aunt house. Although 2nd aunt's husband is an issue, but I hope 2nd aunt's motherly approach could touched Karen's heart. And 2nd aunt's 4 year-old pure and cheerful daughter (she is simply adorable!) could help Karen to reflect what she needs...

Mum please help Karen, bless her with wisdom to see, and the will to walk, the path to greater good and a brighter tomorrow. Please let this be the REAL somewhere Karen seeks, the little something Karen needs for her soul...

Today Karen and I are at home, peaceful nothing much happens. Thats for the day. Not quite for the night, she kept calling her boyfriend and friends. For minute matter like creating an account for a game. Thats fine, but whats unacceptable is that she force others to do her bidding.
I "told" her off.

Enough of her.

Anyway, I watched a good show tonight Wednesday Special TV premeire, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days". A pretty good one, its funny and romantic with dashes of twists. Some quotes I particularly liked are "You cannot lose what you never had", "Thanks for making things easier for me to refuse", and oh "Princess Sophia" =P

Irregardless, it seems most relations are pretty messy, there are no proper order and sequence and everything can just went out of control. Out of Control... haha, if only human has more self-control... if only there is a engineering discipline for love. That would be the perfect love potion. ("...Love is not just a thing for 2...", Indeed, it involves alot more others)

Oh well, looks like its time to get my "frosty" mum. Oh mum, when will my "frosty" come? Ah never mind, I dun think I am ready yet as well. I dun think I am capable to provide for the family and to provide for a stable, long-lasting and stable future... Need to work harder!!! GO GO GO~~ !!!

Several events all backtracked from Saturday, 26th May 2007, where my aunt Meemee request for Karen to stay at her home over the weekend.

Karen supposed to have some workshops to attend for 28th May 2007 and 29th May 2007. Unfortunately she did not turn up for both. On top of that, she returned home as late as 11pm and 1am respectively.

Ken returned from Pendang yesterday. And he blew his top after learning Karen's truancy and pack of lies. Heh and haiz. He is now using the same approach as I did in Feburary and March - Fear and Guilt injection.
==> If this is the case, whats the point then? Since its only a matter of time where he will be doing the same hurt and dejection that I did to Karen.

Ken interrogated Karen, told her the errs and reinstated the same restriction I used before, not more outdoors unless permission is granted personally. LOL, that is all too similar to what I had used for whatever excuses Karen had given to me over the months.

Today the restriction where the phone speaker is to be used at all times is reinstated for Karen as well, by me, and Ken and I overheard the conversation of Meemee with Karen and Karen with her boyfriend, Daniel.

Meemee used words of hurt a lot too, surprising too "a lot" for a Christan. More surprising is that Meemee mentioned Daniel smsed her foul words. I asked Meemee, while I told Karen to tell Daniel, to forward the sms'es to Ken to validate; for Daniel denied what he did.

Irregardless, I dragged Ken out to the corridor for a good talk and shower some advices on his "fear and guilt" approach - he missed out the last and most important part, the directions and solutions for Karen to take; the solution mentioned is one that meets ones expectation and create a win-win situation. For instance, last year, while Karen has an active third hand for Ken and my wallets for extra allowance. I told her nicely many times to avoid such things as it is only a matter of time she will be caught and face the consequences. That is not enough, then I must show her the appropriate way, I told her that if she needs extra money, she can approach me or Ken and request for work to be done (like tidying my books) for extra allowance. It works - although her thrid hand returned on April 2007. Anyway, it is common sense that Karen had no idea what to do or what is Ken's expectations, and it is Ken's duty, not mine, not Meemee no

Other, to show her the correct direction in a proactive manner.
I also discussed with Ken with his "Fear and Guilt" approach with Karen. I told him that I used it before and the result is unfavourable. However, Ken reasoned that he learnt through such manner. He "changed" because he feels guilty - although I felt he changed due to more factors of fear, and he also had a taste of being seen as "valuable" to others (at least to the correct personnel). But he did not realise Karen had not, and she is not eager to (at least to the family).

I did warned him that this approach will result in low self esteem and confidence level in Karen, but he simply disregard it.

I also brought up the issue where he does not allow Karen to stay with my 2nd aunt (my late mother's sister) on 10th June 2007 (She told me so on 26th May 2007 visit.) . Reason being that he FEELS that it is useless. Kinda crap to me. Anyway, I told him that 2nd Aunt approach is one with love and helps to build the love and confidence in Karen - one which I hope Ken is able to accomplish but fails to. This is what Karen needs now, someone that still see value in her and capable to trust. He said he will considerate.

Somehow, Ken is being defensive and did not review his actions and my words. Hopefully, I hope he sees that I am trying to make things easier for him and in the right direction, not to re-stepping the same tracks I travelled before.

Mum, help Karen. For it is Karen, not him, not me, that suffers in the end.

Karen (seems DaJuju has influenced me) went out at 9 am to meet MeeMee at Ang Mo Kio MRT control station - yeah, same district as her boyfriend... smelt something fishy? definitely...

She went to meet up with him first, I call up Meemee HP and leave her "his" HP number; I know she needs it sometime later. As expected, long story short, Karen reached Meemee's house at 3pm.

Anyway, this goes to show the system Ken and Meemee used to direct Karen is more or less similar. Why? Answer this simple question, in the event of Karen travelling to Meemee's house and met a mishap. Who is answerable? Ken? For granting Karen, Or Meemee? To allow Karen to travel alone only because she had to work and "for whatever reason" is unable to fetch Karen personally? Should they not be more responsible?

Anyway, this is the same reason why I fetch Karen from my 2nd Gugu to our home at Tampines in the first place. Too much word, too little action. All talks but nothing has changed. During my NS days when I returned to accompany Karen at Serangoon during my leaves, 2nd Gugu never talks to Karen. She mostly returned home to sleep. Irresponsible?

Somehow I feel like shouting out loud "All I want to say is they never really care about us!" in Micheal Jackson style.

There is also a special visitor today. 2nd Aunt (my mum's sister, NOT 2nd Gugu, who is my dad's sister) came along with AhMa (my mum's mother). She wanna try helping out with Karen after she heard about what happen.

We had a very constructive talk, and I benefited alot. She talked about how she dealt with her ex-maid, who became defiant under the protection wing of her in-laws. She also mentioned of her approach of dealing with her in-laws, and her colleagues and subordinates. Her approach is very similar to mine, preventive measures.

However, there is still a difference here, a MEGA one. She is dealing with outsiders, not a family member. Not one that one had invested so much time and effort to nuture. Its easier to discard the former but for the latter... it is WRONG to discard... and the easiest choice is to ignore...

I told her about Ken current way of working as of now. He is trying to build a bond with Karen, but he did not realise the bond between Karen and her friends are MUCH stronger - a situation where the latter will conveniently overwrite the former. I also told her about how Ken told me that he is preparing to let Karen "hit the wall in her face to feel the pain". Then who will be responsible for the harm done to Karen? Karen herself? Why correct when it can be prevented?

2nd Aunt kept silence and only reply to request Karen to come to her house and let her try... hopefully all goes well... she did asked for me to reconcile with Karen, but I stated that is impossible unless Mum forgives her first... only then I will consider. She also asked for me to collaborate with Ken, which I cannot do so. I cannot accept Ken's system of working? To take the risk, lets the risk materialised then resolved? WTH is wrong with his logic? The issue here is that he had wronged but he fails to see his error...

He had already violated all the principles of Risk Monitoring, Management and Mitigation (RMMM). On the fair side, he did monitor (by calling home time to time to check on Karen and SMS "his" HP) but NO mitigation done, NO actions. Preventive-wise nor Corrective-wise. just like on 7th May 2007, he TOLD me to handle Karen at Jessica's house while he stayed at home.

Still, I told 2nd Aunt that I can only, and already had, helped in acting as eyes and ears for Ken, the rest is up to him.

This conversation is dear to me. It goes to show my system is not entirely wrong (I was also doubtful about my system earlier and reviewed it rigourously),
(1) its that the product failed to gone throught the whole course of my process,
(2) the failure of the lesser people to understand the entire situation and only jumps into the bits and pieces they withheld.
(3) TOO many noises, and nothing constructive.

At least and at last, there is still one who understand me and my system very well, for 2nd Aunt had adopt such system of working and it had been very successful for her in personal life and in work, albeit tiring at times for it requires consistent effort.

Mum, thanks for the event today for it had given me the answers I much needed, and it had renewed me with the rigour and the direction I should take.

Today, is the the day where I am to meet Karen's teacher to receive her report book. Her form teacher, Mrs Angela Sim, rang me yesterday - and only yesterday I knew.

I told Ken about it, and ask if I should go along with them; Ken now is the guardian of Karen. He kept silence, oh well, seems to me he did not want me to go. He did told me that our Xiao Gugu, MeeMee, is meeting up with him.

They returned at 4 pm, from the remarks of Ken, its seems the school counciler, Mrs Wong, was along with them as well. Aunt Meemee, wants Karen to stay at her house at Ang Mo Kio for the time being. Not an issue. She wants Karen to travel to her house on her own tomorrow, HUGE issue. But I shall not assume things here and hope for the best. There is always hope, right? Not?

Anyway, back to Karen issue. Mrs Wong told Ken, as Ken told me, of a case where a father was jailed for checking her daughter's virginity personally; and warned me to not to do so.

LOL, I already told Ken weeks ago that I am sending Karen to the Police to lodge a report, for suspecting having of sexual intercourse for girls under 16 - irregardless of willing or unwilling party, it is illegal to have sex with girls under 16 in Sinagpore. NO WAY I will conduct the check myself, I knew it is illegal. Anyway, as usual he cannot provide me the details, so I emailed the counciler for details. I like to study and get to know details.

Ken did tell me that he told the form teacher and the school counciler that from then on, they should contact him and Xiao Gugu, not me. For Karen is now under their system, not mine. Fear gripped me, for I can only foresee that Karen is heading deeper into the darkness with her newfound "freedom" at a faster pace.


Ken is leaving for Rendang tonight. Ironically, soon after he left, Karen claimed that Ken had allowed her to go out, and asked May (our maid) to let her out. I stopped May and asked May to call Ken directly. Its another of her millionth lies. Brillant.

Ken did granted Karen the permission in the end, on the "fact" that Karen only went down to buy some candies. I tracked her. I saw she is around with another girl and 2 guys, all much older than her. Job done, I called up Ken and he told me to ask Karen to call her when she returned.

This small little event showed alot. Karen is not in any way "bonded" towards Ken - to be fair, that do need sometime, but Ken does not realise that her bond with her "friends" is much much stronger.

Ken is now Karen new sucker. Its not as Karen claimed that its my restriction on home facilities that made her unwilling to return home. Ken reinstated all my previous restrictions and gave her more "breathing space", Karen still lied to him, used his name (like the way she used my name and her form teacher, Mrs Sim, name for her "excursion" in the past) and returned home MUCH much later when she was under mine.

Brillant. Isn't it?

Whatever;
for words are always more than true actions and results.

And Oh, Karen's grades average dropped to a whopping 10% to 50.7% from 60+%, using Ken's devised system of study. Not a surprise to me anyway.

Today, I received a guest that had enlightened my somehow. Its my eldest Uncle, my mother's brother.

While he is not the best familyman around, he is indeed a caring father and is consistently worriing about his children, my cousins, Jeffrey and Meiling.

He gave me a lecture on Karen's wayward behaviour. He initially blames me for my failure to correct Karen; since he had no idea on Karen's personalities and my system, I was cool. I explained things to him from the start.

Karen lost her "mother" (sorry for the double quotes, I had yet to forgive, and maybe impossible to forget, ever since Karen stated to regard her as dead and to regard as if she was never conceived by my mother), my mother, when she was six, to pancreas cancer. That was in 1999, 1st July, at GenesEagle Hospital.

My then-healthy dad was in all good condition to look after Karen, Ken and me. Yet, he did NOT. He sent Karen to his sister home, my 2nd Gugu, and made her guardian of Karen. There, Karen was not properly taught the correct moral values and behaviours. After much fuss and troubles, I finally get to convince my father to get Karen back to live with us in 2000, and to make him to send Karen to and fro school. It was short-lived.

I was servicing in National Service in 2001. When another tragic strikes on us, it is a Sunday, 9th Nov. My father, went to jogging as usual and I was tutoring Karen, till our neightbour told us of a man, who resembles our dad, lying on the floor. This "stroke" event leads to 4 consequences.

One, all my dad's silbings try to snatch dad's fortune away from us. All thanks to one of my father's best of pal and blood brother, Mr. Sebestian Soh, we managed to secure most of my dad's properties. Still, we lost Kah's Motor contract, due to my dad's siblings sabotage and conspiring with my dad's competitors - although Master Soh managed to extent the contract by another year, and that helped to booster my father's comapny fund by another SGD 300,000.

Two, Karen is returned to 2nd Gugu guardianship. Except this time, I was not around to monitor the situation (idiotic SAF system) and Ken is not willing to stay at 2nd Gugu house at Serangoon to protect Karen. All he wants is only to enjoy his "freedom" - while I am in army, his sister in someone elses house, and his dad in hospital. I can only acompany Karen on every weekend. This is also the "Three", Master Soh advise me to spot check on Ken. I had to return to Tampines on some weekends to monitor Ken's activities, only to witness our Tampines flat turned into a pig sty.

Four, the eventual continual losses suffered at my father's properties, while the commitee, the decision makers, refused to shut down the workshop, despite Master Soh's and my persuasion to shut down the workshop; the sad thing here is the commitee is set up by Master Soh himself, after I refused to take over my father's property single-handedly - for I had to be fair to my other siblings.

It was only when my NS term is ending that I planned to have my father and sister to be fetched back to Tampines. The flat was a total mess, the floor is dusty and blackened. Everything was covered in a layer of dust and a lot of electric appliances are not functioning properly - including my dad's SGD 5,000 flat screen 43" TV.

Karen and I started to clean the whole flat. Our 2nd Gugu and the commitee did not make things easier for us, on the basis that they need the maid to take care of my father, our maid is not allow to return to Tampines with us - funny thing is that 2nd Gugu also has her own maid, and our maid is paid using my dad's own money.

Whatever the case is, after 2 weeks of cleaning and recleaning (thanks to Ken using the cleaned rooms), I managed to take my father and Karen back to Tampines. Karen was preparing for her PSLE then.

When she enrolled for Springfield Secondary School, she is still manageable. She trusts my system of working and she scored an award for being the highest scorer for Home Econs for her level.

However, all doesnt ended up well. I had many enemies. My own dad, My dad's siblings, the commitee and Mary. They all hate me for I wanted to closed down my dad's workshop. I never bother much with them, except some started to tell Karen how wrong is my system of disciplining her. Karen started to doubt my system and become less and less obedient.

In her Secondary One days, I never lay a single finger on her, even when she failed a test, for I focus on moral and character building, which she seriously needs to be exposed to. I became a full-time PI to track her activities and her friends. From there, I advice on her the DO's and DON'Ts. She managed to upkeep her promises to me, while there maybe slippages once here and there, she still manage to maintain it.

Secondary Two days are hell. In Jan, she failed all her promises, skipped all her CCA's and went out with friends instead. Things got out of hand. Desperate issues call for desperate measures. Since all the kind advices and soft talk and measures (exercisng, reflectin notes etc) all crashed on Mars, I decided its time to take on a "hard" approach.

I starting to use canes, collaborated with her counsellor and her form teacher, but all are fruitless. I started to focus on a simple goal, to only to ask her to return home straight away after school. Karen, once again failed all 3 gentle reminders. Then I took up the scissors and used cutting of her hair as my disciplinary measures.

Starting from 4th April 2007, I needed to focus on my studies and prepare for my 2nd year term examinations. And on the faithful 21st April 2007, Saturday, after I agreed to let her out with her friends, on the claim of school project, I discovered she took a 50 dollar note from me (and spent it all), and she returned 3 hours later than the promised time, 6 pm. Enraged, I cutted a huge portion of her hair (rather than the usual bit by bit). Ken then suggested to me to let him look after Karen.

All the way till on the faithful day. 7th May 2007, Ken and I worked closely to monitor and guide Karen. Till that faithful day... haiz...

Irregardless, I had told Uncle that now its Ken system Karen is under not mine anymore - and I had given up on Karen. He told me off, and I think I deserve it, that I am also responsible for Karen's upbringing too, even under Ken's system. I think his word make senses. I then told him that I am going to send Karen to reha centre. He is the first and only one to agree with my decision, and he also remarked I should have done it long ago, and should not regard what others comments. It all just about Karen, nothing more. Simple and easy.

Anyway, I also brought up to the Uncle my what my dad had told to Karen everytime I disciplined her. "Pack up and move out, so that you do not have to see him again"
Uncle cannot believe what I told him. Its a joke yes, but its a fact. He told my dad off directly. Now, with everything cleared, my Uncle adviced me to worked closely on Karen for she only misbehave for merely some weeks; its too soon to give up now.

I had to try, not much choice, do I? Rite Mum? Better sleep early for I still have to meet "her" teacher tomorrow... to receive her mid-year exam results...

Good Griefs,

I got an exciting morning today. Received a call from my dad's clerk, Mary, and she told me off for forcing the whole family to use the speaker mode for the telephone - all without finding out what truely happened.

Its not the first time already, while she was working for my dad, she boss around people, poking into other people's affair, and make enemies with everyone. I had torlerated with her accusation many times but not today.

I wonder why. Maybe its Karen issue, which had me on my wit's end. Nonetheless, this time, I gave her a big one. She cried, that Miss Busybody Mary, apologised. I feel good, VERY good. Mary pulled back all her "past credits" and how she "sweat and bleed" for my dad's companym despite my dad's comapny been making losses for years since his stroke. I simply revoke all her claims with a simple fact; when she was assigned with a simple task of calling all agents for opportunities, she refused, kick up a fuss and make up all kind of excuses and stories of how this strategy will NEVER work... I do not understand why my dad's commitee allow her to continue service her "services" - Mary is nothing more of a bloodsucker, doing almost nothing at office and yet claiming a over-paid salary for a clerk's task (SGD 1,600 a month).

This morning call also made me realised that its time to put an end to my dad's business. I had dragged too long and too many damages done - for MANY years I been requesting the workshop to be closed down but the commitee simply keep putting it off.

No MORE I should listen to the "words of wisdom" from my dad's commitee. They have had been hidding my dad's bank statement so that I cannot check on the company progess since 2004. Even with my dad's self unacceptance that his business had reached a point of being "unrevivable", I shall steel my heart and end everything.

I shall dismiss the current commitee (2 are my dad's sisters and 1 is my dad's friend, whom is a successful businessman... unbelievable huh?) and form a new commitee, that consist of my aunt, my younger brother and me. At the very least, we are at least answerable for everything. No more delays, pushing blames and everything.

"She" returned home at 11pm last night, escorted by "her" boyfriend; thats better than my expectation - not returning home.

She did requested Ken for another day at the chalet, Ken refused so for she returned later than 10pm. Fair and square.

Maybe I was thinking and worrying too much. But there are still too much questions and too many problems... somehow I believe the problem is Daniel, "her" boyfriend.

Reason? He is staying and studing in Ang Mo Kio when "she" is in Tampines. Travelling from one end to another would take an hour, and he is sitting for his GSCE "O" level... Still, the key reason for leading me to habour such thoughts is his parent interaction with me over the phone on the night of 16th May 2007. It was his mum, she told me to tell her son off and also her decision to send him to Boys Home. I had spoken with Daniel's Dad earlier, he told me they are unable to handle Daniel. I was on fire, truely.

It seems that Daniel is merely a product of lust, not a product of love. What angers me is that, whatever they breed had now disrupted the lives of others, and their possibly bright future.

I told them on the phone, that it was a joke for me to actually enlighten their "product" for them, when "it" is doing harm to me and my family. Does it not cross their mind that I had this deep intention to destroy their worthless "product" for them?

Broken Family with Broken Product, fine, confine within then, dun ever released it to break up others'. #$%#&#!

Finally, last of my examinations for my 2nd year if my degree course. Yet, my heart is still heavy and nonethemore happy...

The morning before I leave the house, I made "her" to stay home for that day, I knew that she was going for a chalet. It was "her" boyfriend's friend birthday party. By the basis on that she took my stack of tarot cards without permission (it happened LONG ago but I kept one of my eye closed...), I locked "her" in the flat and taking all keys along with me to the Examination Hall.

Yet, all is frutile. for Ken returned home before me and released "her". I can accept that, BUT I do not understand why Ken NEVER ask the address of the chalet and any relevant details... I had always been doubtful about KEN's guardianship and today it had been proven that his system of working is all chaotic.

"Tonight, we shall see..." thats all I said to him after I learnt that all he said to "her" was "come back before 10pm." I was seeing all bloody red.

Last several nights, I questioned his "system" of guardianship, he told me his way of guardian-ing is "to solve the problem when it arise". In simple terms, it is a corrective measure. Worse, he told me that he told "she" it is fine to get a boyfriend...

DAMNATION, I took great pain and effort on preventive measures to avoid, rather then to cure, such issues... on 12 Dec 2006, I took her to the a female doctor to examine her virginity (while the doctor refuses to, she did some enlightenment conversation on moral values.) For the whole of 2006, I been supervising "her" the proper and healthy system of BGR (Boy-Girl Relationships)... although its all landed up only in the air...

I do not understand his mentality. I am now both doubtful and regretful about my decision, to let Ken be the guardian... things seems getting more and more out of hand...

Today I seek my late mother opinion. We Chinese have a way to interact with spirits of another realm; translating directly in English would be known as the "Holy Cup". She disagrees with my idea of sending Karen to the rehab. However, I think likewise. She does agreed that we should observe more of Karen till her mid-year examination results is out.

I wonder if this drags on further, what dire situations may arise... irregardless, I had to respect her decision... its her fruit of labour after 10 months, not mine.

For now, I think I should just focus on my studies and do my best for my 2nd year examination in University. Karen had already failed the family... I am the only one left to do credit to my family and bring pride to my late mother.

Mum, please bless me with the will and strength.

Today is the memorial of my younger sister, Jye Shin, she wants nobody to meddle into her affairs anymore and let her be. She is 14 and she told me to regard her as dead; as if she never exists before, even in my Late mother's womb - her birthplace of her existance.

To me, she is dead.

Its only a week after my younger brother, Ken, who is 9 years older than Karen (aka "new" "her" - Karen is but another being with the same outlook as Jye Shin, nothing more), had taken guardianship of her and promised a new system of more "adult-like" lifestyles; and her moral degeneration had hit rock bottom. From the usual 6pm to 9pm, then to the point of "no return". I had no idea what idea Ken had injected into Karen meanwhile, but it seems to be his own philosophy, which, by my empirical recall, is questionable...

Reason to stay at her friend's home? Because she had stolen 20 bucks from Ken on Friday, 4th May 2007, who was going to Malaysia, and returning on Monday, 7th May 2007. She was afraid of facing the wrath of Ken and decide to leave home for good.

In return, she demand a whole lot of terms and conditions from Ken, who did not even lay a single finger on her, just so to agree to return home.

What worse is the irresponsible words that escape her mouth during the course of event. She mentioned hating all relatives of my late mother relatives (highly regarded in my heart) , who had been showering her with concern and encouragement, ever since I finally manage to move the whole family back from our aunt house and to our own house. Reason? She is inferior in all aspect to a cousin who is only 1 month elder than her; Yet, she keep making comparisions to her friend, Stephine - who had no parental restriction at all.

She also cried about her "lack of privacy and freedom" in home. This kind of crap, after all the while on 5th and 6th of May 2007, she was enjoying T.V. programs and was not even reprimanded with a single word from me - for not revising in the mid of her mid-year examinations...

It a fact that phrase 1 of my plan had succeeded, of trying to post Ken as Karen pillar of support, Karen behaviours and mentality seemed to had spurned out of my reach...

I wonder if only at the point when her friend's mum call up to fetch Karen from her home in the middle of the night, did I made up my mind to send her to rehabitation centre,

OR the time when my dear brother bring the topic of being Karen's guardian I should reject.

I may feel less remorse... for letting such degeneration to manifest in Karen... Had my plan backfired, for deciding to let Ken to be more involved in family affairs through Karen?

This song is dedicated to my dead sister and hope her all the best in her future endeavours...

The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else's lake
You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for?